A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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