Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
