god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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