I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
