dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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