Your face is a jimmy john
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
