Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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