I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
