I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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