Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm at about main and main street
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
