I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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