New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
