I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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