So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
