Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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