The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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