so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If that was your dad, he is hot
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
