This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
