Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
