That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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