please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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