talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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