come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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