you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
