The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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