put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
