I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
