you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
