last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm getting married
To pizza
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
