He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
