My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
