I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
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you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
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I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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