just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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