4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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