what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
