Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
