Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
