I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
