Little spoons don't ask big questions
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
