I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
