I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
