i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Randomize
