discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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