I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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