i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
