ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
