woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
