this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
