Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
