There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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