My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
