I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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