the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
