I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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