The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize