why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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