...so i touched it.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
