So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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