Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize