I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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