So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
