I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
