I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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