yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
