What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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