Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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