Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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