my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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