I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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